Ta-Dah!

" I've always felt this immense pressure to always have everything under control. Whether it was at work, in my relationships, or just how I presented myself to the world, I constantly believed that showing any hint of struggle or vulnerability would make me seem weak or not good enough. This pressure I put on myself created a constant feeling of anxiety and fear that I would be seen as flawed.

I got really good at crafting this image of success and happiness in everything I did. My social media feeds were carefully curated to only show the best moments of my life. But behind all those carefully posed photos, I was actually dealing with my own insecurities and battling my inner demons. The more I tried to keep up this facade, the more I felt ashamed of who I truly was.

It wasn't until I started to question these behaviors and think about where they came from that I realized they were deeply ingrained in my family's way of doing things. Growing up with my dad as a preacher, I felt like there was this huge emphasis on how things looked on the outside and seeking validation from others. Despite the discrepancies between his preaching and his actions, I felt compelled to uphold a certain image. It became clear to me that breaking free from this cycle meant shifting my mindset and being willing to embrace my vulnerabilities and truths." xoxo-Kari Lea

Unveiling Our Authentic Selves - My step-by-step Personal Account

1. Self-Reflection: I took time to reflect on my values, beliefs, and experiences that had shaped who I was at that moment. I journaled, meditated, and sat in quiet contemplation to gain clarity on my true self. 

To identify your true values and beliefs, you can ask yourself a series of introspective questions to delve deeper into your core principles and convictions. Here are some questions you can consider:

What matters most to me in life?

What am I passionate about?

What activities make me feel fulfilled and aligned with my true self?

What do I prioritize when making decisions?

What causes or issues do I feel strongly about?

What qualities do I admire in others and aspire to embody?

What motivates and drives me on a daily basis?

How do I define success and fulfillment for myself?

What boundaries am I willing to set to protect my values and beliefs?

What aspects of my life bring me a sense of purpose and meaning?

What experiences have shaped my values and beliefs over time?

How do I behave when faced with ethical dilemmas or challenges?

How do I want to contribute to the world and make a difference?

What relationships and connections do I cherish the most, and why?

What legacy do I want to leave behind for future generations?

Reflecting on these questions can help you gain clarity on what truly matters to you, what principles guide your actions, and what beliefs shape your worldview. By understanding your core values and beliefs, you can live a more authentic and fulfilling life in alignment with your true self.

2. Identified My Mask: I acknowledged the masks I had been wearing to fit in with societal expectations, family dynamics, or past experiences. I recognized those behaviors, attitudes, or roles that did not reflect my authentic self and I committed to letting go of them. Identifying these masks can be tricky, so I have a list of what they may look like so you can identity yours. 

The People-Pleaser Mask: This mask is worn by individuals who constantly seek approval and validation from others. They may sacrifice their own needs and desires to please those around them, fearing rejection or disapproval if they assert themselves.

The Perfectionist Mask: People wearing this mask strive for flawless performance and impeccable outcomes in everything they do. They may feel the need to maintain a facade of perfection to meet external standards of success or achievement.

The Tough Exterior Mask: Individuals wearing this mask project a strong, stoic image to conceal their vulnerabilities and insecurities. They may believe that showing emotions or seeking help is a sign of weakness, so they hide behind a tough exterior to protect themselves.

The Caretaker Mask: Those wearing this mask assume the role of the caretaker or nurturer, always putting others' needs before their own. They may struggle to prioritize self-care or assert their boundaries, as their identity is deeply tied to taking care of others.

The Rebel Mask: Some individuals wear the rebel mask as a form of defiance against authority or societal norms. They may resist conforming to expectations and rules, seeking to challenge the status quo and assert their autonomy.

The Overachiever Mask: This mask is worn by individuals who strive to excel in every aspect of their lives, often at the expense of their well-being. They may feel compelled to constantly achieve more in order to feel worthy or successful in the eyes of others.

The Class Clown Mask: People wearing this mask use humor and wit as a defense mechanism to deflect attention from their true feelings or vulnerabilities. They may resort to jokes and sarcasm to mask deeper emotions or insecurities.

The Invisible Mask: Those wearing the invisible mask try to blend into the background and avoid drawing attention to themselves. They may downplay their talents, achievements, or opinions in order to avoid standing out or being judged by others.

These metaphorical masks serve as coping mechanisms to navigate social expectations, protect ourselves from perceived threats, or fulfill certain roles in different contexts. However, wearing these masks can prevent us from fully expressing our authentic selves and connecting with others in genuine and meaningful ways. Recognizing and understanding the masks we wear can be the first step towards unveiling our true identity and embracing our uniqueness.

3. Embraced Vulnerability: I allowed myself to embrace my vulnerabilities and imperfections as important parts of my human experience. I understood that it was okay not to have everything figured out all the time, and I accepted and owned my vulnerabilities as a path to deeper connections and authenticity.

AND THEN I…

4. Set Boundaries: I established boundaries in my relationships and interactions to honor my authentic self. I learned to say no to things that did not align with my values or bring me joy, and I created space for activities and connections that nurtured my true identity.

"One of the ways I personally did this was by having a chat with my family and friends about how it hurt me when they kept bringing up my past relationships that didn't work out or when they made jokes about my bad relationship choices. I told them how it made me feel and asked them to stop talking about it because it wasn't funny to me. This helped me set a boundary with them and let them know what I was comfortable with discussing."

5. Practiced Self-Compassion: I was kind and gentle with myself as I navigated the journey of self-discovery. I treated myself with the same kindness and understanding I would offer to a close friend facing similar challenges. I recognized that revealing my authentic self was a process, and I progressed at my own pace. 

"And this is important: Forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings or mistakes, and release self-blame and guilt. Remember that you are human and deserving of compassion, understanding, and grace, even in challenging circumstances.

By showing yourself self-compassion and self-care, you can nurture your emotional resilience, cultivate a positive relationship with yourself, and navigate challenging interactions with grace and authenticity. Remember that you deserve compassion and kindness, especially during times when others may not offer it to you."

6. Sought Support: I surrounded myself with supportive friends, family members, and a several therapists over the years who provided a safe space for me to explore and express my authentic self. I shared my journey with others to gain valuable insights, encouragement, and validation along the way.

& LAST BUT NOT LEAST I…

7. Took Action: Once I had gained clarity on my authentic self and identified areas for growth, I took intentional steps towards aligning my actions, choices, and relationships with my true identity. I made changes in various aspects of my life to live authentically and in alignment with my values.

"I understood that the journey to revealing my authentic self was unique to me, and I progressed at my own pace. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and embracing vulnerability, I was able to uncover the beauty and strength of my true identity."